So tonight, my daughter asks me that through tears. Then she asks me if they "force" me to be in the Army. She can't quite understand why I would take a job that causes me to be separated from her.
I can't think of why I'd choose a career like that either.
"Daddy, what happens if you die at war?"
That was a tough one.
I told her that I'd be in heaven (at least I hope to be), and that she could always pray to me and that I would do my best to watch over her. I also told her that I would be preparing a place for her there in heaven, and that I would be waiting for her when her time came.
That seemed to relieve some of her distress.
That whole conversation just breaks my heart. How do I keep working at something that I know causes my family pain? Is it the right thing to do to "defend" the country? Are we really under attack anymore? What else could I be doing with my life? Do I have any other skills? What would I do if I get out of the military?
This has been my life now for the past 15+ years...but I am begining to wonder if I have 5 or 15 left.
At times like these I wonder if my father ever felt this way. He didn't say much when I was growing up...still doesn't now. Maybe I should ask him.
Did he ever second guess himself? Lay awake at night wondering if he was doing the right thing as a father?
How am I supposed to be the point man for my family when I am not even sure if we are on the right path?
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